The Quest for My Name on a Coke Bottle

Laughter does not have to come from a major source. It could be ... relatively minor.

Eager to quench my thirst, I wandered into my local Kum & Go and made a beeline for the soft drink section. As I opened the cooler door to grab a soda, I was greeted by an array of 24 oz. Coca-Cola bottles, each featuring various names and slogans. My curiosity piqued — what if there was a bottle with my name on it? How cool would that be?

I started my search, pulling out bottles labeled “Adam,” “Abbie,” “Benjamin,” and “Brooke,” methodically going through the names from A to Z. After about an hour of digging, I noticed the store manager eying me with a hint of annoyance. Did I find my name? Sadly, no. The closest I got was “Victoria,” akin to royalty. While it’s nice to be associated with a queen, I would have preferred to spot my name among the 250 most popular names in the country.

Coke bottle not displaying my name. (photo by Vicki Minor)

It’s not surprising, though. Personalized gifts have never featured my name. Unlike many tourists who collect custom keychains, necklaces, and photo frames, I haven’t had that luck. Only fellow name-holders like Anna, Betty, and Shirley know the disappointment of sifting through that squeaky metal rack filled with tiny plastic doorplates, only to find their names absent.

Maybe I should consider changing my name to something more eye-catching — like Ella Vator, Sue Pernatural, Claire Voyant, or Paige Turner. While those names wouldn’t likely make the personalized gift list either, they’d certainly leave a memorable impression.

Who knows? Perhaps one day, right before “Zachary” and “Zoey,” I’ll see my name on a bottle and savor that small yet gratifying moment of recognition. For now, I’ll accept that while I may not belong to the exclusive club of personalized products, at least I won’t have to explain why I chose a Coke with someone else’s name on it.

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