Relatively Minor
Laughter does not have to come from a major source. It could indeed be ... relatively minor.
Christmas Chaos: A Humorous Take on the Twelve Days
I enjoy singing Christmas carols like “Joy to the World,” “Silent Night,” “Deck the Halls,” and “Jingle Bells,” to name a few. However, I can’t understand “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” as that tune wouldn’t fit well in my Winterset home.
On the first day of Christmas, if my true love (a.k.a. my spouse) gave me a partridge in a pear tree, I would have to decline since my house has no free space for a pear tree. The bird wouldn’t last fifteen minutes with two dogs in the house.
On the second day, if he forgot what happened the day before and brought me two turtle doves as a gift, it would feel like déjà vu all over again. I would still be picking feathers out of the carpet.
By the third day, when he thought three French hens would be better than one, all I could do was make chicken noodle soup for dinner.
On the fourth day, he seemed to have lost his mind by inviting four calling birds into the living room. They were rude, and we couldn’t get a word in edgewise because they were all on their phones. Then, they traveled all over the house, taking selfies with the dogs and each other.
On the fifth day, my husband tried to make up for almost a week of chaos by giving me five golden rings. I kept the prettiest ring and gave the other four to the calling birds, who spent the day texting their friends to convey their good fortune. So we still couldn’t get a word in.
On the sixth day, six geese laid eggs, creating a mess in the kitchen. I had enough eggs for breakfast the following day, though, so everything remained sunny-side up.
I needed to shower by the seventh day ... but found seven swans swimming in the bathtub. I took a few eggs from the six geese and threw them at the long-necked birds, and they scattered.
On the eighth day, eight maids a-milking stopped by for coffee, and that evening, we joined nine ladies dancing at the corner bar. Ten lords a-leaping hurried in and jumped onto the dance floor, followed by eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers who jammed to every traditional Christmas tune.
We celebrated with “Joy to the World,” decorating the halls and jingling our bells until local law enforcement asked us to quiet down. It all ended with a silent night.
www.wintersetmadisonian.com
Listed in the Humor Stack Directory (thehumorstack.substack.com)
Proud member of the Iowa Writers’ Collaborative
Iowa Writers’ Collaborative Roster
Vicki, while “12 Days” can be tiring, it has a lower score on my annoyance meter than “Alvin And The Chipmunks”. Congratulations on a delightful column!